today i have slept enough to recover from sleep debt accumulated over the month, this semester has been really coffee driven rushing to get one thing done after the other - dance, and my 5-essays-marathon in a week, reading week, exams, packing up and moving out, unpacking, repacking again, then getting ready to fly. now that all my papers are finally over i dont feel particularly excited, just relieved to have one burden down. i hope ill manage to get everything done by tmr, in between meeting people in pockets of time, and to quit feeling sour moping over the things i'll miss out. i hope my premonitions dont come true, and i wont be (too) burdened by money, and things will pick up when im there!!

higher stakes

alternating between streaks of euphoria and plummeting to rock bottom as of late, work and travel predicament is solved, but school is intimidating and i can only replace sleep with coffee. wish i were more intuitive, never good enough for dance for floorball or academics, i cant even imagine if i cannot do another year, insanely hopeful yet even more afraid. why did i screw up my first year to this string of consequences now?

what would you do today if you knew you must fail?

1. too many times caught between yes and no
2. fine line between disaster and a good time
3. how to erase the hurt i'd never meant to give
4. self doubt and second thoughts
5. haunting conscience
6. sometimes your best isnt enough
7. is there no cure for this helplessness?
8. am really thrilled at upcoming concerts
9. yet deathly afraid it comes at the expense of what should be my priority
10. i cannot bear to imagine otherwise
in other news,
11. chingay was really enjoyable 
12. i liked our frilly costumes! 

i am terrified at my frivolous mind and flickering will

consumed by totality of all situations and waiting for the feeling to pass